What if we have a low need for inclusion – but do not proactively indicate to other people that we really don’t particularly want to be included (Quad One)? In these instances, we have a difficult choice to make if we are invited into a relationship or group. We can decline the invitation and risk alienating the other person or other group members – especially since they must infer the reason for our decline. If we say “no” to an invitation, other people might conclude that we don’t like them or don’t respect what they stand for or want to achieve in this particular relationship or group. They are unlikely to conclude that we don’t want to be included simply because we have a low need for inclusion.
If we can be explicit about our low need for inclusion, then other people who want us to enter into a relationship with them or join their group can engage a different strategy. They might, for instance, allow us to “slowly” enter the relationship or group. Those with low needs for inclusion often prefer a gradual entrance to leaping in. The person (persons) offering the invitation to join might also appeal to other needs that are strong. They can suggest that this relationship or group is likely to be important in achieving some purpose or goal (appealing to the need for control or influence).
Instead, they might suggest that this relationship or group is likely to become a setting in which there is a fair amount of candor (appealing to the need for openness). There is a third strategy: the invitation can be withdrawn and the other person (people) can wait for the person they invited to offer their own invitation. Just because someone has a relatively low need for inclusion, does not mean that they never want to join a relationship or group. It only means that they are likely to be cautious and highly selective in the choices that they make. The best strategy might be one of waiting for the other party to do the inviting.
