Probably only when this other person exhibits these traits—but how long do I wait until revealing this Quad Three bias and my Quad Two perceptions of their annoying behavior? This is a difficult process of interpersonal discernment. Distinctions are difficult to draw. Some people are over-disclosing. They share everything about themselves. Let me reveal something about my actual Quad Three. I generate an intense dislike for people who “babble” on about their life. They drive me nuts even when they’re not talking to me, but are inundating some unfortunate stranger on a bus or airplane with all the personal facts about their lives.
There are other people who are very reticent to say much at all about their personal lives or feelings. While I personally prefer these people, I recognize that these under-disclosing people can evoke distrust (intentions) or at least hesitancy in other people with whom they relate. We all need a little information about other people—if for no other reason than to regulate our own relationship with them. Joe Luft describes this regulatory function in his original analysis of the Johari Window:
At any moment you can reveal one of these private facts or reactions, make it part of quadrant 1, and have it take its place in the ongoing relationship. You may suspect that such disclosure will stimulate a similar or related disclosure by the other party with whom you are interacting. In the early phases of a relationship with a new acquaintance or with an associate on the job, the Q3-to-Q1 action may be most frequent. Strangers in a new group tend to open the small first quadrant by voluntary shifts of private knowledge into the open.
The second fundamental issue is even more complex and challenging in many interpersonal relationships. What does this other person have the right to know about me? Am I required to let them know about my fears, my incompetence, my sexual orientation, or my disabilities? The issue of “outing” is very important in this regard. In recent years, there has been a growing sensitivity concerning the rights to privacy among gays and lesbians. These men and women should be able to disclose their sexual preferences to other people at a time and in a manner of their own choosing. When other people disclose these preferences (“out” their gay or lesbian colleague), the privacy has been violated and the “outed” person has lost control of his or her third quadrant.
