The issue of “outing,” however, goes well beyond the domain of sexual preferences. What if you have a disability that is manifest periodically but is often not apparent (such as epilepsy or migraines)? When and where do you share this information with other people and is it acceptable for some other person to “out” you (tell other people) about your disability? What if you are a fair-skinned African-American who can readily “pass” as an Anglo-American?
When and where do you disclose? Why should you ever have to disclose? Is it ever appropriate for other people to “out” you with regard to your race (or ethnicity)? I could readily point to many other Quad Three domains (for example, political preferences, childhood history, and pervasive fears or hopes) that might or might not be disclosed and that other people might disclose about us (“out us”) without asking our permission.
In some formal settings (such as interviewing prospective employees), there are explicit rules and legal regulations regarding what we are allowed to ask of other people, or about what we can refuse to disclose to other people. Unfortunately, these legal safeguards don’t protect us or provide us with guidance in most settings. This is where the three dimensions of trust come into play. We are more likely to monitor our disclosure and be very careful of our rights (even obligations) to withhold Quad Three information if we do not trust another person’s intentions or competencies, or if we do not believe that this person shares the same values and perspectives on life.
When there is sufficient trust, then two things tend to occur. First, we are more likely to disclose personal matters, because we believe the other person will make appropriate use of and be discrete in sharing this information. Second, we are more likely to feel comfortable in engaging in meta-level communications. We can talk about our relationship with the other person, identify what we are trying to accomplish in this relationship, and identify appropriate levels and content of Quad Three disclosure for both parties.
