SHEILA KEVIN
As in the case of selective movement of Quad Four material into Quad Three, the selective movement of Quad Three material into Quad One will inevitably create some potential tension. We devote considerable energy to selecting what we do and what we do not want to share. This often distracts attention from the other person, leaving us with a stilted relationship—and one in which Quad Three material is “leaking out” while we desperately try to selectively control what is disclosed.
The New Johari Window
We don’t talk about ourselves—and withhold information about ourselves for several reasons—not only because we are defensive or private and introverted, but also because we don’t think other people are interested. We hate people who are always talking about themselves. Why do they think other people are interested? We then go too far in the other direction. Only people who are really interested in us—our family and neighbors—learn much about us. As I mentioned earlier, our workplace is often now our neighborhood. However, in this new workplace neighborhood we don’t know how much or what content to disclose. We don’t want to bore people who don’t really care about us. We don’t want to offend people—risking a harassment suit. As members of a litigating society we are faced with an expanding list of things about which we can’t talk and, in particular, about which we can’t joke. This can readily shut us down, leaving us with a very large third quadrant. Alternatively, we can take an appreciative approach by telling other people (Q1) when we are interested in what they say and share with us. This sets the stage for other people to feel comfortable in engaging in appropriate levels of disclosure (Q3).
