This doesn’t mean, however, that we don’t learn, eventually, from this feedback. Perhaps, I should find a way to convey some of my impressions to Sam, even if this might evoke a negative reaction from Sam. I should be able to “weather the storm.” Could I myself learn from this encounter something that might be uncomfortable about my self? Maybe I am projecting on to Sam my own boorish behavior? Am I afraid of Sam’s reaction to my feedback or of what he might say to me in response this feedback—reflections on my own behavior that might contain a seed of disturbing truth about myself?
This latter reflection suggests one other shift in the two windows—a shift that further encourages an honest exchange between Sam and me. In Joe Luft’s original window, with it’s highly interdependent pains, the fourth quadrant (unknown) in both windows decreases in size. Both Sam and I can learn more about ourselves, even if the personal learning is a bit painful for both of us. Both of us will gain access to potential areas of ourselves (Q4). My fears might be justified (but manageable). Perhaps some of Sam’s feedback in reaction to my feedback is accurate. Maybe I am sensitive to his domineering behavior at lunch because I am also inclined to be domineering. Perhaps I am competitive with Sam (and anyone else who is verbally active) and am worried that other people won’t find me interesting. Could these issues from my childhood and adolescence still be playing a part in my reactions to other people? There is still much I can learn—maybe I should interact with Sam in a way that can be of interpersonal value to both of us.
Q3-I: Direct and Indirect Disclosure
It certainly makes sense in most instances that Quad Three is governed by an internal locus of control. After all, don’t I have the right (and capacity) to restrict what I share with other people? To a certain extent this is true. Under most conditions, Quad Three should operate primarily from the perspective of an internal locus of control. Obviously, we can share information about ourselves with other people (moving this material from Quad Three to Quad One). We can also let other people know of our Quad Three desire to find out more about ourselves from them (moving our Quad Three request to Quad One). If successful, this latter request precipitates a move of Quad Two material in the other person into their first quadrant and into my first quadrant as well.
