Control
If there is a strong need for control then a different fundamental issue is likely to be prominent. The question to be asked is: “Am I in charge?” The closely related interpersonal concerns and questions are: “I want to lead or at least influence what happens in this relationship or group.” And “I fear being ignored in this relationship or group and left isolated with little support for my ideas and desired direction from the other participant in this relationship or other group members.”
As in the case of the other two interpersonal needs, those concerns about interpersonal control that are housed in Quad Three can take on either a proactive or reactive form. In the case of a proactive stance, I decide not to express my need for control; in the case of a reactive stance, I wait for other people to identify and articulate my need for control.
When I am proactive with regard to the decision not to disclose my need for control (by keeping it in Quad Three), then it is likely that I don’t want to disclose this need to other people. I take a reactive stance when I have a strong need for conclusion, but don’t express this need (it remains in Quad Three). As in the case of the need for inclusion, I somehow expect other people to “know” that I have this need for control—they should invite me to be “in charge” or at least be “influential.” I should not have to be explicit about this need.
This retention of my need for control in Quad Three might be a result of at least three different interpersonal conditions. First, I might not specifically want to be “in charge” or be highly “influential” in this relationship or group. It is not likely to a successful relationship or group. Alternatively, I don’t really care about the outcome of this relationship or group; hence, I have little investment in the outcome. As a result, I don’t want to disclose my need for control (proactive) or don’t want other people to discover my need for control (reactive).
