Learning: On the Edge of Disclosure
Important personal learning takes place not just in the reactions of other people to our disclosure, but also on the edge of the disclosures themselves—particularly, the disclosures over which we have control (Q3-Internal). We learn from the questions we ask about Quad Three and from our answers to these questions: What do I tell the other person? Why do I share with them this information about myself? Am I trying to improve my relationship with this person or am I providing this disclosure primarily for my own personal learning? Am I trying to “manage” my public image or is this disclosure about authentic and aligned aspects of myself (Q1)? Am I trying to elicit feedback from them (Q2) in order to either confirm or modify my self-image? Am I hoping that this disclosure will somehow help me access unknown aspects of myself (Q4)—as in the processes of psychoanalysis (free association on a couch)?
As these questions and the answers to these questions suggest, rich learning can be derived from deliberating about the time, place and reason for disclosure. New insights about our self are available on the edge of disclosure. Perhaps this is the greatest benefit inherent in the process of deciding whether or not to move material from Quad Three to Quad One. These insights are likely to be even greater if we can talk with someone about our process of decision-making with regard to disclosure. Once again, this person can be a good friend or a skilled coach. This person becomes a witness to our reflective deliberations regarding the disclosure. She can gently probe us regarding the “real” answers to these questions, and can offer her own suggestions regarding what the answers to our questions might be (especially after witnessing our dress rehearsal of the disclosure).
