Obviously, something more was operating here. How do we account for the “breaking out” of quad four at this point in Dianne’s life? Why did Dianne cry and become fearful after being acknowledged for her work? And why did she keep the statement of envy regarding her daughter? Jung’s numinous keeps its own schedule and can appear before us at any time. It often is represented in our fear regarding growing older—and dying. The existentialists made their living for many years during the 20th Century in pointing to the ways that Death holds dominion over our lives.
The numinous also may appear when we reflect backward on the life we have (and have not) led. Profound regret can be awe-full. As the behavioral economists have noted, regret is a strong motivator (stronger than the motive to achieve and the motive to avoid failure). These dynamics might have been activated by the award ceremony that triggered not only Dianne’s fears about growing older (and eventually dying), but also her fears about being an imposter (a fear that is all too common among women). The graduation ceremony might have activated her regrets about pathways not taken. Though she ended up choosing a path that led to great success—there is always a path not taken.
As Truman Capote would note, there are voices from other rooms that still wish to be heard. Joe Luft would node in agreement with Truman and would add: “Dianne, these other voices should be heard and you should acknowledge your own fears–while also acknowledging your remarkable accomplishments as an executive and as a mother. All of this will enrich your life and help you prepare for the next stage in your life. It is important to remember that your quad four material is there to guide and inspire you. It is not your enemy—unless you keep denying its access to your active life.”
9. Sensitivity means appreciating the covert aspects of behavior, in quadrants two, three, and four, and respecting the desire of others to keep them so.
Sensitivity requires appreciation for the diverse of perspectives, motives, values and practices of other people. This is especially important in our increasingly diverse and globalized environment.
We must recognize that psychological defenses are there for a reason. They help to protect us from that knowledge about ourselves that we are not yet ready to receive or at least not yet ready to fully assimilate. When interpersonal and group “technologies” are designed to either bypass or overwhelm defenses, then they are likely to be counterproductive or even destructive. The defenses increase and strengthen themselves in confronting the threat, or our psychological “fortress” is breached and we are left in a state of defeat and personal despair. Nothing is learned other than what is often called “learned helplessness.”
When the defenses are respected and when new material is being presented or revealed in a sensitive manner, then a condition of “flow” can be realized. A learning-ful threshold is crossed and maintained between overwhelm (anxiety) and underwhelm (boredom).
