Case Example: Michael (his English name) was born in Singapore and with his family immigrated to the United States when Michael was ten years old. While Michael is fully fluent in English, there are many ways in which he still feels Asian in his attitudes and the way he relates to other people. Michael is now 32 years old and works in the hospitality industry. He is the Assistant Manager in the international travel division of a large hotel chain. His early life experiences in Singapore help a little, as does his limited skills in speaking both Mandarin and Cantonese. Mostly, however, he is valued for his ability to work smoothly with demanding customers from many countries and many cultures. These are customers who have not found satisfaction in planning for a trip with someone from the hotel where they have booked reservations. Michael is a problem-solver and helps to “cool down” the irate travel-planner.
Michael finds his job to be both rewarding and taxing. At the end of the day, he is quite drained and frankly tired of working with irrationality and anger. People sometimes seem to be “no damned good!” Fortunately, Michael has an understanding boss (Jacqueline) who is willing to spend time listening to Michael’s “venting”. Jacqueline can fully empathize with Michael since she had herself served in the challenging job that Michael now holds. She will tell you that this supportive relationship with Michael was very slowly and carefully built. While Jacqueline was born in the United States, she worked briefly in Bangkok for this same hotel chain. While the people of Thailand differ in some important ways from those living in Singapore, Jacqueline can fully appreciate the cautious attitude taken by most Asians regarding opening up to other people—especially those in authority and those who come from Western cultures.
Jacqueline found it helpful to invite Michael for a cup of tea during a mid-afternoon break. There is a lovely restaurant one block from their office where teas from many countries are served. Jacqueline and Michael both appreciate tea and always tried something new when sitting down for a discussion regarding the latest service challenge facing Michael. He slowly opened up about his true feelings. He even talked about how his experiences as a child in Singapore helps him with some of his Asian customers. Michael holds Jacqueline in high regard and hopes that he might soon be in a position to “mentor” other young employees in this hotel enterprise.
Joe Luft would undoubtedly appreciate Jacqueline’s appreciation of Michael’s cultural background. He would point to the careful and thoughtful way in which she allowed and even encouraged Michael to begin to share his quad three feelings and thoughts. Jacqueline probably also offered some feedback to Michael regarding reports on his skillful handling of difficult customers. I would add to Joe’s appreciation, the way in which Jacqueline chose an environment (a sanctuary) in which to meet with Michael. They chose a setting that was aligned with their shared interest in tea.
