Some outcomes look better than others, and I may not like my result. Still, misery, anger, and resentment will change nothing other than myself. I must respond to whatever happens as well as I can with the tools I have. And I must be okay with that. If my work doesn’t turn out exactly as hoped, I can smash it or admire the beauty of its imperfection. I must accept my current state is okay, whatever it might be. It just is. Some may be good; some may be bad. If I can’t make it right, how can I make it better? How can I turn negative into positive? Magnetic poles are a transient state. With the right energy, the magnet can hold things in place or propel them forward. There’s no permanent negative state unless I accept it as such.
We’re all playing a game where we define the rules and finish line. I choose how I respond and play, win or lose. Judgments like “should” or “should not” can trap me into a sense of false justice or injustice. MS is not the worst thing that will happen to me and is not the worst thing to ever happen to anyone. Much of my experience will happen to all of us by the time we’re 70, 80, or 90. I’m living on a gift of borrowed time. I hope to do what I can to reshape and reinvent myself. Patience, acceptance, and gratitude are virtues. All things pass in time, and it will be OK if I allow it to be.
At present, I’m in the middle of my high-wire act. My DIY alternative health hacks appear to be working. The doctors are surprised and supportive. I need a wheelchair less often. My hands are numb, but my legs are slowly rebuilding. With luck, I will find solid footing, stand up, and hike out. Maybe I’ll play the guitar again. Or maybe, this will all come crashing down. If so, I’ll take a bow as I plummet to the rocks below. Regardless of what happens, I strive to have fun and enjoy the ride. There are things to discover if I can just “be” and appreciate the view. Be patient but keep moving. I don’t know if my story will be a triumph, a comedy, or a tragedy. Hopefully, it’s rewarding to follow regardless. I may have the best intentions and navigate the flow as well or better than anyone can. I can do everything right and still end up splattered on the pavement below. It’s a matter of fate and timing I don’t control. But when I embrace the mystery and possibility, it’s a platform for joy like no other.
“You do what you can for as long as you can, and then when you finally can’t, you do the next best thing. You back up, but you don’t give up”. – Chuck Yeager
