Diverse reasons for control
In this essay, I am focusing on the world of work and the matter of control within a work environment. However, most of our lives are spent away from work. We relate to people and retain a certain amount of control in our interpersonal relationships that are not work-related. Behavioral economists (e.g. Huettel, 2013) differentiate between these two domains, the work environment being based on what these economists call a Market Exchange, and the relationships outside of the work environment being primarily based on a Social Exchange. We pay for the person mowing our lawn (market exchange) unless it is being mowed by our partner or child (social exchange). We pull out our credit card after eating dinner at a nearby restaurant (market exchange), but pull out a bouquet, bottle of wine, or “hostess” gift when arriving at the home of our parents or neighbors for Thanksgiving (social exchange).
Our work-based relationships are primarily Transactional, meaning that each person participating in this relationship expects to benefit in some tangible way from the exchange. By contrast, our nonwork relationships are not benefit-driven. While no word is commonly used as an antonym for transactional, I would reintroduce the term, Autotelic. No tangible benefit inherently derives from the relationship—it is self (auto)-purposing (telic).
While the autotelic relationship might be engaged to bring about pleasant experiences (often inducing a dopamine hit), this is not always the case. The relationships might “thrive” on contention, competition. and even feelings of anger. What then is the purpose of a relationship that is ostensibly self-purposing? As with many other autotelic behaviors, the nonwork relationship might exist for the playful experience it provides. After all, human beings (“homo ludens”) show a proclivity toward play (Huizinga, 2008).
Among the other intangible benefits that might accrue are the offering of unconditional support, the willingness to listen to the other person’s narratives, and the accumulation of a shared history (found among long-term acquaintances). Many other intangible benefits might accrue; however, the one explicit purpose to be found in most autotelic relationships is a continuation of this relationship. We are “kind” and “courteous” not only to align with accepted social norms but also to ensure that someone doesn’t go away.
Most of us are involved in both work-related and non-work-related relationships. We sometimes blend them. We are also concerned with both market and social exchange, sometimes merging them. Yet, with the pull toward both transactional and autotelic relationships, greater value is often placed on one over the other. Some of us assign the greatest Worth to relationships we establish with people involved with us in completing a project.
Most of our friendships are established in the workplace or at a local community-service organization. We begin with the assumption that the exchange in which we are about to engage is market-based. There is something of tangible benefit to be gained for each of us. To be successful in this exchange, we must hone our cognitive IQ. We must find ways to acquire additional, competitive knowledge regarding the sector in which we are engaging during a market exchange.
In other instances, the greatest value (Worth) is placed on relationships with family members, friends, and those sharing an advocational interest (such as model building or quilting). For those people who are oriented toward autotelic relationships, work becomes just a means to an end. An assumption is made that relationships should exist for something other than task accomplishment. The relative “success” of a work group is based not so much on the outcome of the task as on the quality of relationships among those working on the task. No “success” is to be found at the end of a project if everyone wants to get away from everyone else as soon as possible. To succeed in this human enterprise, we must hone our emotional IQ (Goleman, 1995) and find ways to learn more about the people with whom we are interacting in the social exchange.
