The Ancient Greeks identified this obligation as Agape, the love and devotion to something greater than ourselves. Martin Buber (1958), the noted Jewish theologian, wrote about the I/Thou experience in which we create a relationship that involves something more than the two of us. Agape and I/Thou represent a powerful Generative Stance. This is the stance about which I am devoting four essays in this series. We are Generative when caring deeply about the Worth of children, projects, co-workers, heritage, and community. We are “worthy” in our generation of Worth in other people, on behalf of a Greater Good in our society.
Self-appreciation requires something beyond gratitude and Agape. We must move beyond self-appreciation to appreciation of others. We must attend to and appreciate the Worth of people with whom we interact. In essence, an appreciative perspective concerns a willingness to engage with another person from an assumption of mutual respect, in a mutual search for distinctive competencies and strengths, intending to help them fulfill their aspirations and potential.
The term appreciation itself has several meanings that tend to build on one another; however, appreciation refers first to a clearer understanding of another person’s perspective. Their perspective is “worthwhile.” We come to appreciate the point of view being offered by our colleague or the challenges that the other person faces. This appreciation and assignment of Worth, in turn, comes not from some detached observation but rather from direct engagement. One gains knowledge from an appreciative perspective by “identifying with the observed.” (Harmon, 1990, p. 43)
Appreciation also refers to an increase in Worth or value of not just people but also the world around us. A painting or stock portfolio appreciates. Van Gogh looked at a vase of sunflowers. In appreciating (painting) these flowers, he increased their value for everyone. Van Gogh similarly appreciated and brought new value to his friends through his friendship: “Van Gogh did not merely articulate admiration for his friend: He created new values and new ways of seeing the world through the very act of valuing.” (Cooperrider, 1990, p. 123) Returning once again to Marcus Aurelius, we bestow Worth on what we value. We increase the Worth of our friends and our friendship when we value our friends’ unique strengths and the special way they relate to us.
Peter Vaill recounts a scene from the movie Lawrence of Arabia in which Lawrence tells a British Colonel that his job at the Arab camp was to “appreciate the situation.” (Vaill, 1990, p. 323) By appreciating the situation, Lawrence assessed and helped add credibility to the Arab cause, much as a knowledgeable jeweler or art appraiser can increase the value of a diamond or painting through nothing more than thoughtful appraisal. Lawrence’s appreciation of the Arab situation, in turn, helped to produce a new level of courage and ambition on the part of the Arab communities with which Lawrence was associated.
From yet another perspective, the process of appreciation concerns recognition of contributions made by another person. “I appreciate the efforts you have made in getting this project off the ground.” Sometimes this appreciation is reflected in the special recognition we give people for a particularly successful project, or in the bouquet or thank you note we leave with an assistant. However, when this form of appreciation is the only kind provided, praise inflation is likely to occur, along with praise addiction and the tendency to keep people who report to us permanently in a needy and, therefore (ironically), one-down position (Kanter, 1977).
