First, some of our strengths and aspects of our Worth can be known to ourselves and many other people. These are public strengths and publicly acknowledged Worth. Second, we might personally be aware of other strengths that we possess. We are aware of being “worthwhile.” However, other people might not be aware of these strengths. We might be hesitant to reveal these strengths because it would be arrogant for us to articulate these strengths. Or the revelation of these strengths might burden us with new expectations. We are modest or we are cautious. These are protected strengths. We are aware of these strengths, but they are rarely of much value to us, given that we rarely use them. Our potential Worth is often blunted by our failure to publicly acknowledge or use these strengths. To borrow from the New Testament (Matthew 5:15-16), we hide our light under a bushel.
The third possibility is one in which we are not fully aware of a distinctive strength we possess, whereas other people are aware. They find us to be “worthwhile,” but we aren’t fully aware of their appraisal. We might even believe that we are “unworthy, given that our strengths are unknown to us. These are opaque strengths. We may be aware at some level of these strengths. However, they have never been verified by a trusted source. These strengths are of little value to us until we have become fully acquainted with them. It is often with surprise (and gratification) that someone tells us that we have done a “great job,” are “very talented,” or are “surprisingly gifted”—especially if this positive appraisal is accompanied by an articulate statement regarding the impact that we have made. Our Worth is determined not just by our talented and gifted performance but also by tangible contribution we have made.
Finally, there are strengths we possess that have never been acknowledged by anyone—including ourselves. These are potential strengths. This is the domain of Expanding Worth. It represents the edge of our growth and development. The process of active appreciation expands the size of the public windowpane by providing an opportunity, through giving feedback, for each of us to learn more about our observed strengths. This feedback process also enables us to reflect on the nature of our strengths. The protected windowpane becomes smaller in an appreciative relationship.
We begin to feel more comfortable in sharing personal insights about distinctive strengths. We have less need to protect, because there is more trust in the relationship. The opaque windowpane also shrinks with appreciation. Our friends and co-workers have access to clearer information regarding our distinctive strengths and feel comfortable providing us with this information. Finally, the potential pane shrinks as both the protected and opaque panes diminish. Potential strengths are recognized for the first time by ourselves and those with whom we interact. A cycle of appreciation leads to an expanded sense of self-worth and an increased willingness to focus on the Worth of other people and the collective worth of the community in which we live and work.
One final point. Significant control is found when we engage the appreciative process and expand the public pane in the Window of Strength. We are not passive recipients of information about ourselves that is “leaked out” in the verbal (or often nonverbal) feedback we receive from other people. We are not “frozen” in a reticence to share our impressions of other people with these people. We are not caught in a powerless cycle of restraint and resistance. With appropriate control comes contribution and care regarding other people. With control comes a sense of Worth regarding ourselves and those with whom we relate.
