Should We Start a Major Project?
Many of the people we interviewed for the enduring, intimate relationship project faced the issue of whether to have children, as well as beginning a project that represented something of great value to one or both of them. Such projects can take many forms, ranging from raising animals to mounting a major corporate venture. Regardless of the breadth or depth of the commitment, a project becomes an important source of generativity for people and often helps to define the distinctive character of the individual. In addition. it provides the individual with something to hold on to when the going gets tough.
In some instances, a project overlaps with one or more of the other roles of generativity we have identified. It is not unusual for a project to be deeply embedded in the shared value system of a couple. Many partners mutually invest substantial time and money in political campaigns, public causes, or various public service activities. A church or synagogue or other type of religious institution plays a major role in the lives of many individuals. In some instances, a project overlaps with one or more of the other roles of generativity we have identified.
It is not unusual for a project to be deeply embedded in the shared value system of a couple. Many partners mutually invest substantial time and money in political campaigns, public causes, or various public service activities. A church or synagogue or other type of religious institution plays a major role in the lives of many individuals. We also found several instances where the establishment of a home went well beyond the normal level of concern for a couple and became the couple’s special, mutually shared project. Generativity Four (and Generativity Three) are alive and well!
Is It Worthwhile? The Challenges and Benefits of Generativity One
Typically, two major questions face any person or couple when they have begun to raise children or begin a mutual project. The first of these concerns the amount of time and other resources that each person and the partners together devote to raising children or conducting their project. Chronic stress, due to shortages, rather than acute crises, often influences (and can even destroy) the health of an individual and the health of an intimate relationship. We must place child rearing and project management at the top of the list that demands scarce resources. The second question concerns the ways in which children will be raised and how the project will be managed. This can be just as stress-ridden and conflict-filled as the problem of scarce resources. We examine both of these stormy issues, then look at the unique manner in which couples address them when they bring children from a previous relationship, or a project from a prior time in their lives, to the relationship.
Engaging in Generativity One When Raising Children
Child-raising or attending a project is a major, energy-consuming part of an individual’s or couple’s life. When children are young or when a project is still in its fledgling state, most of Eric Erikson’s other life stages take a backseat. Other ways to achieve Personal Worth are also likely to be set aside (at least temporarily). The Push and Pull of parenting were on clear display when the interviews were conducted with long-term enduring couples.
In assuming this traditional role in her family, Rebecca represented a minority voice among the women we interviewed. Most of the women who are less than fifty years old are working outside the home, even if they have young children. Rebecca and Bill’s focus is on raising their children in as nurturing and trouble-free a manner as possible. They try to “stay afloat” while managing this difficult process. Many of their fights are precipitated by their fatigue and the feeling that there is no way out. Fortunately, they have built a solid relationship and are flexible in assuming child-rearing responsibilities. At overwhelming moments, when they get angry at one another, they tend to use a variety of strategies for resolving their conflicts; they both realize that while child-raising is the source of many of their tensions, it is also the primary source of their joy.
