In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first introduced what is now commonly referred to as the Five Stages of Grief. In her 1969 work, On Death and Dying, Kubler-Ross outlined these five stages as representing the feelings of those who have faced death and tragedy based on her many years of work with terminally ill cancer patients. Grief and loss are unavoidable parts of human experience. At some point during our life each and every one of us will experience loss in some form. Where there is loss, there is some form of grief. Moving through grief is a process. But the stages can be helpful when trying to understand the process of loss and grieving.
Most importantly, loss and grief will affect each one of us in a different way. Since we are all unique, no two people will have the same experience. However, there are stages of grief to which most people can relate. While we usually think of the Kubler-Ross stages as they relate to the death (or impending death) of someone we love or preparation for our own death, there also can be profound grief when money is lost or a dream fails to be realized. This grief is particularly pronounced when our identity is wrapped up in our finances or in our dreams.
With this said, we take a brief look at the stages of grief identified by Kubler-Ross as they specifically relate to the loss of money and a dream. The stages they outlined were: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
Denial
The initial stage outlined in Kubler-Ross’ process is denial. Denial is typically characterized by shock and numbness. Denial is one of the most primitive of human defenses and is rarely sustained for a long period of time. Reality has a way of asserting itself. However, it is often quite appropriate that we first find a protective barrier in our psyche, so that we can prepare for the emotional struggles that are to follow.
When the loss concerns money, the denial is likely to be short-lived, for financial loss has a way of demanding attention. Denial regarding the loss of a dream might be sustained for a longer period of time, since we need not take any immediate actions when a dream has been thwarted.
Anger
Anger is the second stage of the Kubler-Ross model. Once the reality of what has happened sinks in, the shock and numbness are replaced by rage and resentment. Although anger is being displayed, many psychologists would suggest that it is merely a displaced form of pain. We direct our anger at someone who has “caused” us to lose money as a result of offering bad advice or offering no advice or warning at all. We might instead direct our anger to some less immediate agent, such as “fate,” “God” or that “damned government”. It is harder to find a place to direct our anger regarding the abandonment of a dream. There are often many “villains” that contribute to our failure, and they may reside in a distant past or far-away location.
Ultimately, we must face our own culpability in the loss of money or the failure of a dream. The pain that we have replaced with anger will often be centered on our lingering sense of being incompetent, unrealistic, or simply “stupid” regarding the monetary and nonmonetary barriers we would encounter. While we usually can’t blame ourself for the death of another person (or our own death), it is not hard at all to discover (painfully) that we are at fault for our own failure.
