Depression
Depression is the fourth stage of the Kubler-Ross model. This stage involves the realization that the loss is going to take place or has already taken place. It’s characterized by deep sadness and sorrow regarding the pending or actual loss. The length of this stage varies from person to person. Some people enter this stage with an existing (often neurobiological) predisposition toward depression (trait-based depression), while for others, this stage has not been visited before (state-based depression). The length and severity of the depression are heavily influenced by the type of loss experienced. For some people, the loss of money might be even more depressing than the loss of a friend. The failure of occupational success might trigger a deeper depression than the failure of a marriage or role as parent. For some people, this stage of depression lasts days or weeks, while others can experience this stage for months or even years.
When the loss is financially based, a vicious cycle may be engaged. The person who loses their money or fails in their job becomes depressed and is not able to engage in any new work that can produce new income. Failure leads to depression, which leads to further failure, and then greater depth and duration of the depressive state. The critical problem soon relates not to financial matters but to the loss sense of self-worth. The outcome might be George Bailey’s leap off the bridge—without the “saving grace” of a guardian angel.
Acceptance
The final stage of the Kubler-Ross model is acceptance. Acceptance is simply the realization and acknowledgment that the loss has occurred, and it is a reality. The grieving person becomes a financial realist. This is not to be confused with the belief that a person agrees with the loss that has taken place or that money has become less important. It simply means that there is a realization and that it is not possible to change the outcome. Financial rewards are ultimately not in our hands. The “wheel of fortune” spins, and we either gain or lose.
When one reaches the stage of acceptance, it is possible to shift the focus towards moving in the direction of a “new normal”, instead of trying to go back or getting stuck in the stage of loss. It is worth noting at this point that many successful and wealthy leaders of business have suffered one or more bankruptcies during their long careers. It is not a matter of avoiding financial loss; it is a matter of learning from the failure and moving forward on behalf of a new vision and new ventures.
Grief Is a Process
Grieving is a process. It takes time to go through each of the stages of grief as outlined in the Kubler-Ross model. Additionally, it’s important to know that many grief counsellors advise that there be no pressure to rush through these stages of grief. However, in the real world of money and aspirations, the clock might be ticking. We certainly have time and should grant ourselves time to grieve the death of a loved one; however, this grieving process might have to be cut short if we must find a way to recover financial loss. We also can’t linger in a failed dream of the future, for the grieving accompanying this failure can lead to depression and a deepening sense of helplessness and hopelessness (Seligman, 1992).
What is absolutely correct (and crucial) about the advice offered by grief counsellors concerns our feelings during the grieving process. We feel what we feel. Grief and loss are unique to each of us. Whether it is the loss of money or (more importantly) the loss of a loved one, we must take time to process our grief and all the accompanying stages. Whether or not we are religious, the time of grief is a time when we seek and find grace. We look for this grace in the support we receive from other people in our life. Our guardian angel can be the appreciation we find in the review of positive outcomes in our past life (we don’t need Clarence).
