Given that they are hesitant or even unable to establish close relationships with other people, the victim of a dismissive attachment will often end up alone—and ultimately resentful of their isolation from other (threatening) people. Cacioppo and Patrick (2008, p. 179) write about the negative feedback loop that can take place: “if we expect a new acquaintance to be fund and nice, they will behave in a fashion that draws out the pleasant and enjoyable side of that new acquaintance.”
Conversely, if we are fearful of being ultimately ignored by the new acquaintance or of being treated by them in an indifferent manner, then we are likely to be withdrawn and suspicious. The new acquaintance is likely either to disengage from us or place us low on their list of interpersonal priorities. Our fears have been realized and we are even more inclined in the future to activate and perpetuate this negative feedback loop.
We are left finally with Bowlby’s “Fearful Attachment”. The parent is inconsistent in their relationship with the child. Loving some of the time, resentful at other times, and even abusive at other times. The child is whipsawed around and doesn’t know what to expect. In many ways, this is the most damaging of the four attachment types. The child is disorganized in their perspective regarding a healthy, sustained relationship with other people. Fear attends their desire for close relationships. They find themselves as adults being highly vulnerability—devoting considerable energy and attention to “figuring out” what another person wants and expects (without spending much time reflecting on their own needs and expectations.
The behavior of adults who have grown up with fearful attachments tends to be unpredictable–given the inability of these adults to receive and accurately interpret social signals from other people. Under these conditions, the fearful adult will crave isolation—and simultaneously fear being alone. The moments of being alone are filled with confusion and apprehension. Moments with other people will similarly being filled with confusion and apprehension. Clear and consistent expectations regarding social engagements are absent—the kind of expectations that Bowlby emphasized in his third proposition. These childhood-burdened adults are truly “alone in a crowd.”
The Effects of Loneliness: However, the fear and confusion associated with loneliness arises, this condition of loneliness has a powerful psychological effect according to Cacioppo and Patrick (2008, p. 14) They propose that this effect involves the interplay of three complex factors. The first of these is the level of vulnerability (associated most closely with Bowlby’s fearful and inconsistent attachment):
Cacioppo and Patrick, 2008, p. 14) specifically focus on vulnerability to the loss or absence of an important social connection:
“Each of us inherits from our parents a certain level of need for social inclusion (also expressed as sensitivity to the pain of social exclusion), just as we inherit a certain basic body type and basic level of intelligence. (In each case, the influence of the environment on where that genetic inheritance takes us is also vitally important.) This individual, genetically rooted propensity operates like a thermostat, turning on and off distress signals depending on whether or not our individual need for connection is being met.”
It would seem that these distress signals are particularly likely to be triggered when the adult has lived with inconsistent attachments—though dismissive attachments related to abusive relationships can also elicit these signals.
