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The Wonder of Interpersonal Relationships VIe: Strategies for Sustaining Relationships Midst Differences

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Regardless of the strategy being used to address the matter of differing ideas, there are several questions that might be asked as a way to address the differences:

• What have you already tried to do when seeking to solve this problem and what did you learn from these efforts? [slow thinking]

• What actions have you taken that somehow reduced the scope or impact of the problem—even if this action was not intended to address this problem? What did you learn from this serendipitous impact? [appreciative thinking]

• How might other people help you solve this problem—especially those who have not previously been involved with this problem? What other resources which have not previously been used might you direct to this problem? [enablement]

• What would happen if you just ignored this problem? What would happen if you devoted all of your time and resources to solving this problem? [reframing]

• What is one idea upon which there is agreement regarding how to solve this problem? [convergent thinking]

• What is one step you can take right now to begin solving the problem? [convergent thinking]

• What is the most unusual idea that you have about solving this problem? What solutions have you dreamed of or thought about at a moment when you were particularly tired or frustrated? [divergent thinking]

• What would you do if you had much more time to solve this problem? [divergent thinking]

• What would you do if you had very little time to solve this problem? [divergent thinking]

• If you were “king” or “queen” what solution(s) would you impose to solve this problem? If you were a “fool” or had nothing to lose in trying something out, what would you do in attempting to solve this problem? [divergent thinking]

A reminder about BIAS and NOISE. Either of these can be prevalent at this late stage in the problem-solving process.

Traveling Between Domains and Among Differences

Many pathways can be taken between the three domains of intentions, information, and ideas when significant differences exist in one, two or all three domains. When we have addressed differences in Intentions, the gathering of information can be of great value—and can often help to inform the dialogue regarding intentions. Consideration of differences in both the domain of information and domain of intentions provide guidance when seeking to find appropriate ideas.

This sequence from intentions to information to ideas is only one of many sequences that can be engaged. One can move from any one of these domains to either of the other domains. It is often valuable to move back and forth between the domains of information and intentions. A return to the domain of either information or intentions can be activated at the point when differing ideas are being considered.

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