Home Organizational Psychology Intervention / Consulting The Wonder of Interpersonal Relationships VIe: Strategies for Sustaining Relationships Midst Differences

The Wonder of Interpersonal Relationships VIe: Strategies for Sustaining Relationships Midst Differences

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While reflective inquiry is often an unpredictable process—similar to improvisational jazz and theater in many respects—there are, still, a few reflective moves that have been found to be particularly effective when engaged in a coaching process that helps to establish the validity of specific information. Specially, I propose that an effective reflective process often involves moving back and forth through seven specific levels of analysis. Each level offers a different perspective and a different reflective lens.

1. The reflective process often begins at Level One with each party reporting on their Observation of a specific event. The reflective coach will begin with a request of each party: “Tell me what happened.” or “Tell me what each of you are seeing in this email.” Even if the two parties have observed the same event or same piece of data, they might place it in differing contexts or punctuate it differently (begin and end at a different place).

2. Given this initial observation (and the narrative or brief story accompanying this observation), a coach and their two clients can begin moving toward Level Two: an examination of the Data that has been obtained. The coach asks of each party: “What did you see that is relevant to your immediate concerns and interests?” Here is where the “hidden agenda” of each party often emerges and where important biases of observation and analysis might first emerge.

3. From here a coach and their two clients can move to a Third Level, which is concerned with the Meanings that each client assigns to the Data that has been gathered. A relevant question is: “What does this mean for you?” or “How does this data relate to an important issue?” Differences in meaning often emerge for the two parties. They recognize that not only do their two viewpoints differ, but also the way in which their viewpoint is informed by their values and priorities (domain of intentions).

4. Level Four involves the identification of and analysis of Assumptions that underlie the Meaning that each person has assigned to the Data. The coach asks: “How do you know that your observation is accurate?” “How do you know that the meaning you assigned to this data is appropriate?” This will either help validate the assumptions each client makes, or will clarify any misperceptions either client has formed about the other client. This can even lead at this point to a total shift in perspective by both parties.

5. At Level Five, the coach is helping their clients access some Conclusions. Several questions are often asked at this level: “What do you want to do about this situation?” “What can be done to address your concerns about what each of you have observed?” Here is where the domain of ideas comes to bear on the use as well as valid of the information accepted and analyzed by both parties.

6. These questions inevitably move the two client and coach to Level Six, which is concerned with Beliefs. The coach asks of each client: “Why do you think your version of reality is both accurate and relevant?” “What makes you think that your interpretation of the current state will lead to better decisions and a more desirable future?” “How confident are you that you are right?”

7. Finally, at Level Seven, Action is contemplated by each party and may be initiated by each party as a pilot or demonstration project, based on the Conclusions reached and the Beliefs that support these conclusions. In post-Action reviews, the coach will be encouraging her clients to reflect on the actions that would result from their acceptance and interpretation of information by asking: “What would you actually like to do or be done by others?” “What do you think will occur when action is taken based on the information you consider valid and useful?”

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