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The Wonder of Interpersonal Relationships VIe: Strategies for Sustaining Relationships Midst Differences

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Asking the Right Questions

Keeping the distinction between NOISE and BIAS in mind, differing perspectives regarding intentions can be addressed by asking the following questions:
• How would you know if you have been successful in this endeavor?
• What would make you happy?
• Who else has an investment in this project and what do they want to happen?
• What would happen if you did not achieve this goal?
• What would happen if you did achieve this goal?
• What scares you most about not achieving this goal?
• What scares you most about achieving this goal?

If there is shared agreement regarding the answers to these questions, then a group needs to test its own assumptions. The process of collusion regarding intentions might be in full effect (Bergquist, 2013). BIAS might be fully in effect. Conversely, if there are multiple and often conflicting answers to these questions then NOISE is operating. While diversity of thought and perspective can often be beneficial (Miller and Page, 2007), this diversity can often pose quite a challenge. It is important to remain patient in addressing these differences—and to be appreciative in recognizing the value inherent in the articulation and expression of support for these differing perspective.  Hopefully, the strategies I have just identified can be of use in addressing differences in intentions while sustaining the relationship among those confronting these differences.

Domain of Ideas

This third domain becomes the one where the stark reality of a current state bumps up against the dreams and aspirations of those who must confront this reality. A gap exists between the current state and desired state. This gap will often look quite different from divergent viewpoints arising in the domains of information and intentions.

Thus, a valuable initial step to be taken in the generation of creative and useful ideas is to focus on the nature of the gap that exists. We must first be sure that the information we have obtained is valid, useful and encompassing of the diverse viewpoints that are present when this specific gap is being analyzed, and that the intentions are clear and encompassing of the diverse priorities being considered regarding this gap.

Here are a set of questions that might be addressed when addressing the nature of a gap:
• How do you know that there is a gap here?
• To what extent do other people see this as a gap? If they don’t, why don’t they?
• How long has this gap existed? How big is it? Is there any pattern with regard to its increase or decrease in magnitude?
• What are the primary cause(s) of the gap? What is different when the gap does and does not exist? What remains the same whether or not the gap exists?
• Who benefits from the continuing existence of the gap? In what ways do some people benefit (even indirectly) from the continuing existence of this gap?
• What will you miss if and when this gap is reduced in size?

Having gained a clearer understanding regarding the nature of the gap that exists between the current and desired state, one’s group can engage one or more of three strategies that not only allows for different ideas but also benefits from an appreciation of these differences.

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