Appreciative Conflict-Management
Under condition of disagreement and conflict, it is tempting to abandon any appreciation of the person with whom one disagrees or with whom one is in conflict. Yet, as we have seen throughout this set of essays, it is possible to remain in relationship with another person even in the midst of disagreement. An understanding and appreciation of another person resides at the heart of the matter when engaging an appreciative perspective in bringing about resolution or at least management of a conflict.
Appreciation, in this instance, refers to a clearer understanding of another person’s perspective. We come to appreciate the point of view being offered by our colleague and with this understanding, we can receive and build on their own knowledge—as well as their passion and commitment. The tools of active listening are engaged to enable this understanding to take place. We offer a paraphrase of what another person has said so that we might not only benefit from what they have said, but also gained greater insight into their own perspectives by testing the accuracy of what we have heard (as processed through our own perspective).
This appreciative tool arises not from some detached observation, but rather from direct engagement. One gains knowledge from an appreciative perspective by “identifying with the observed.” (Harmon, 1990) Empathy is critical. One cares about the matter being studied and about those people with whom one is collaborating. Neutrality is inappropriate in such a setting, though compassion implies neither a loss of discipline nor a loss of boundaries between one’s own perspectives and those of the other person. Appreciation, in other words, is about fuller understanding, not merging, with another person’s perspectives. It is about being open to, not necessarily uncritically embracing, another person’s apparent expertise.
Appreciation also refers to the valuing of another person with whom one might disagree. With appreciative valuing come an increase in worth. A painting or stock portfolio appreciates in value. Van Gogh looked at a vase of sunflowers and in appreciating (painting) these flowers, he increased their value for everyone. Van Gogh similarly appreciated and brought new value to his friends through his friendship: “Van Gogh did not merely articulate admiration for his friend: He created new values and new ways of seeing the world through the very act of valuing.” (Cooperrider, 1990)
Peter Vaill recounts a scene from the movie Lawrence of Arabia in which Lawrence tells a British Colonel that his job at the Arab camp was to “appreciate the situation.” (Vaill, 1990) By appreciating the situation, Lawrence assessed and helped add credibility to the Arab cause, much as a knowledgeable jeweler or art appraiser can increase the value of a diamond or painting through nothing more than thoughtful appraisal. Lawrence’s appreciation of the Arab situation, in turn, helped to produce a new level of courage and ambition on the part of the Arab communities with which Lawrence was associated.
When we seek out a fuller and more accurate assessment of another person’s perspective—though the use of active listening—then we are “valuing” what they have to contribute. When we fully appreciate our colleague’s unique perspective in the engagement and use of collective expertise, then we have raised their worth as contributors to this collective effort. Furthermore, we may have seen them, understood them, and valued them in ways that neither our colleague nor other participates in this collaborative effort might have seen them before—thus opening new vistas for their growth and further maturation of the collaborative venture. Paradoxically, at the point that someone is fully appreciated and reaffirmed, they will tend to live up to their newly acclaimed expertise, just as they will live down to their depreciated sense of expertise if constantly criticized and undervalued.
