“In our culture so much is gauged by what people have, not what they are. If there is an inadequacy, real or imagined, in a person, money might well provide the anesthetic. More dangerous are the people who use money to fill in the gap—but who have no money of their own. Then the creation of dysfunction occurs. Like the dieter who constantly thinks of everything connected with food – measuring, calculating, weighing – so is the problem spender absorbed with money. Do I have enough? Do I have to spend it? Will a gift make amends? Will he choose me over her if I spend more?
So it goes. The endless unanswerable questions denote the problems that need to be faced, not suppressed by money. The level of denial is deep and corrosive.
Obese people are frequently heard to wail, “I can’t understand this weight gain. I never eat a full meal!” No, the constant nibbling takes care of that. So it is with the spender. “I don’t know where the money goes … a quarter here, a dollar there … it just disappears.” It’s no surprise that food and money addicts are sometimes cross addicted in these two areas.
People who are addicted to money and possessions usually have severely damaged egoes. Possessions give them identity.”
In her novel, “The Left Hand of Darkness” the renowned science-fiction writer, Ursula LeGuin (1987), writes about an alien human-like figure who is not only androgenous but also most of the time “asexual.” Like many animals on Earth, the alien is only occasionally “in heart” and open to (even driven toward) sexual acts. When meeting with a human being, the alien is surprised to learn that human beings on Earth are “always in heat.” Sexual urges are always present in the life of an adult human being. Whether expressed or repressed, sexuality is always with us as human beings. We are always “in heat.”
I wonder about the perspectives and desires of many multi-millionaires and public figures such as Donald Trump and Clarence Thomas. Are they always “in heat” when it comes to the matter of money, status, and VIP lifestyles? Are they ever “a-sexual” when it comes to these desires and “needs.” While the psychology of money, status and lifestyle might be of interests to some researchers and perhaps some psychotherapists, this issue should also be of interest to the rest of us, for the obsession with money, status and lifestyle have an impact on our contemporary political operations and profoundly distorting the priorities of our elected or appointed public officials.
Happiness
I began this essay by offering a quotation from Morgan Housel (2020) regarding the absence of happiness in the lives of many Americans. In many ways, we might even suggest that money has helped to claim our lives and leave us depressed and devoid of joy and life-affirming meaning. It seems appropriate, therefore, to invite someone into our conversation who has spent time studying and writing about the topic of happiness. I introduce Daniel Gilbert and his book called Stumbling on Happiness.
